SOCIALLY MEDIATED - HEAVILY MEDICATED.

 When I first moved into Retirement Villas, a friend of mine (Let's call him 'Lucy') commented on the size of my new abode, and mentioned that the walls might close-in a bit when I had "one of my flare-ups". Lucy denies ever saying this. And given that Lucy's job is to remember all the things he writes and then says. And given that I have spent the best part of the past 5 years juggling a cocktail of pharmaceuticals that both affect my memory AND affect my memory. I'll leave it to you to ascertain the truth. I went in search of the truth on the internet, because I am single, and lonely, and sad, and housebound. Not due to a flare-up, but due to a lengthy wait for an NHS operation. The internet is my only friend. I have a cat, but she is roughly 98 in 'human years', and to say we have a mutually beneficial relationship would be a downright lie. I typed my own name into the search-bar that my laptop INSISTS on me having, despite many attempts to dis...

  Paul Weller of The Jam wore bowling shoes for a bit. As did Bruce Foxton. More importantly: Is the return of Yanny Mac 3rd Person to local lawn bowls competition going to see more sports drivel and journalese doggerel, on our treasured social media? Will we still have to scroll past endless photos of Chedgrave's kit, or the Sparrow's Nest team coach (Qashqai -Nissan Dualis)? Is he still the sort of bloke who's so medicated he gets pissed on one Woodpecker cider? Where are MY bowling shoes? Is it going to rain? What day is it again? And so forth................ ************************* It is 10.09am. So far today I have taken 140mg of Diclofenac Sodium, 200mg of Pregabalin, Fluoxetine, folic acid, electrolytes, and Cetirizine Hydrochloride. I intend to leave the house for Gummy's School Sports Day today! I have codeine & ibuprofen waiting in the wings. (I shouldn't really take ibuprofen, but it's safer than driving on strong opiates. I have a Motability...

In these Very End Of Days , the competitive bowling ball is made of phenol formaldehyde (Bakelite), whereas the jacks or cots are made of melamine. Phenol formaldehyde is used in wood-glue, paint, brake-pads, and laboratory work tops. These are probably the worktops where my cocktail of Last Chapter in Life 'holding room' drugs are made. Bowls used to be made of wood. The hard wood used is called Lignum Vitae (Wood of Life), and is also used in the manufacture of medication for arthritis. There's an apocryphal story about the Duke of Suffolk using a wooden bannister finial when he broke one of his own balls. It just goes to show how some people round 'ere don't take the game seriously enough. It is 11:46 AM. So far today I have taken 140mg of Diclofenac Sodium, 200mg of Pregabalin, Fluoxetine, Folic acid, electrolytes, and 10ml of Oramorph. I have cancelled ALL swimming due to ongoing mobility issues. I took 25mg of Methotrexate last Friday, and injected 40mg of ...

  In a shocking set of events, having 'done a Lineker' only 9 days ago, Yanny Mac 3rd Person is set to return to his position as Lawn Bowls commentator at the B.B.C. for Retirement Villas TV! A spokesperson for Yanny Mac 3rd Person told Socially Mediated: "I think Mac was a bit hasty in his retirement announcement. There's still at least 20 more home games to be played at the B.B.C. this season, and he still hasn't heard anything about his back operation. He's off his tits most days, and the thought of sharing Top 5 Clouds as a distraction has somewhat spurred him into action. We welcome change here in the Waveney Valley, and this is just the sort of U-Turn we all live for". Mac was unavailable for comment when we tried to contact him earlier. A resident of Retirement Villas said they saw him 'go out in his Invacar.......probably to the swimming pool, or maybe the Co-Op'. It's thought Yanny Mac could be back in time for next week's Beccles ...